Never Ending Campaign

Friday, February 9, 1996


Date:  96-02-09 14:06:42 EDT
From:  JGetz          

BURNS: But what of the legacy of that horrible crippled Jewish man?
SMITHERS: I'm afraid I don't understand...
BURNS: Roosevelt. The Welfare state. Think, man...
SMITHERS: Roosevelt wasn't Jewish.
BURNS: You're contradicting me? I'm not prejudiced against Jews, of
course--am I, Milton?
BURNS: Henry?
KISSINGER: Of course not, sir.
BURNS: (snapping fingers) Enough bibble-babble. What's your plan? Specifics,
not generalities. Snap to.
FRIEDMAN: We're going to bankrupt the government.
BURNS: I see. I see. (brightening) A sort of..."Atlas Shrugged" strategy.

(in a sudden fit of enthusiasm BURNS runs over to the large globe in the
corner of the room, strains, attempts to lift it.)

BURNS: Smithers!

(SMITHERS runs over, removes globe, tosses it across the room.)

BURTNS: Hahaha! That felt good. Kicking up my heels, a bit. On top of the
world, Ma! Haha.
SMITHERS: (clutching himself) I think I hurt myself.
BURNS: (striding back to table, slapping SMITHERS on the back as his
underling limps behind him) Buck up, man. You'll live. I feel young again!
Global domination--quite the tonic, eh? If only Ayn were here, my Ayn--quite
the number she was--there was a jewess with fire--and she knew the value of a
dollar--what are you laughing at?
FRIEDMAN: Nothing, nothing...
SMITHERS: As to...the plan.
BURNS: (singing) Nightmoves...
FRIEDMAN: We'll spend the government into the ground--maintaining a massive
military buildup while retaining the...discredited social programs. We'll
build up the deficit to the point of fiscal collapse. Something will have to
BURNS: (waving hand)'ll be all those chutes and ladders and safety
FRIEDMAN: Exactly.
BURNS: But how do we sell this?
FRIEDMAN: We'll run a president on a platform to eliminate the deficit--and
then have him quadruple the deficit.
BURNS: And who will perform this act of prestidigitation? No one's going to
be so gullible. Not even Joe Punchclock. They'll see this game of three card
monte for what it is, sir--and raise the hue and cry.
SMITHERS: They'll believe it when they see...him. Bring in the test subject.


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